Love Confession

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I have this guy that I love. And I wanted to show him how much I love him, that I decided to look up for things that I can do for just that. I read magazines, articles, watch movies and shows to look for all these romantic tips and tricks about love. Those tips tell me that i should try to give presents, to cook awesome food, to say sweet and encouraging words all the time, to do this and that. I was so into all of them, that I spent my time picking up the best gifts, wrapping them carefully with my own two hands; I looked up for recipes for all his favourite dishes and spent hours making them etc. things went on like this for a while until one day, when I met him, I realised that I don't actually love him, for I have been in love with the act of showing him that I love him.

And that I, have fallen out of love.

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Yes people, this is just an analogy and purely fictional.

I'm not yet married so i am nowhere near to having a lovey-dovey relationship at the moment, thanks. 

But it was something that I realized had happened in my relationship with my Creator. We have so much things that we were told we can do to gain His Love. Reciting the Quran, listening to Islamic talks, waking up for Qiam, performing those extra solat sunnah. But I realized that without the right mind and intention, these efforts can really easily turn into just another day's routine. When we'd stand up after our obligatory prayers for our Rawatib, out of reflex. When we're lifting our hands for some du'a but what's coming out is just a well-rehearsed du'a that we've been reciting for the past months, them having lost their meaning to us; and what's worse is that sometimes we don't even lift our hands anymore. When we'd wake up for Qiam, we performed our prayers,  but by the end of our night, all we ended up doing was asking for those worldly things that we wanted so bad; never once stopping to appreciate His Presence or His Closeness. And sometimes, we'd just woken up for that 2 rakaat of Qiam, to be able to tick the boxes for our 'good deeds I've done' list. 

We no longer talk to Him. 

We no longer have tears with our du'a.

We no longer pour things out from our hearts.

Because our hearts has become hardened enough, 

that it no longer seeks Allah s.w.t.

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I guess this saying suits my not-so-much love confession for today, 

"We often mix between what is for Allah's sake 

and what is for our own sake". 

Hence, we need reminders to get us back on the rightful track;

To renew our intentions;

To love Allah, for the sake of Allah;

To do all those extra ibadah, for Him, and not just because we have this worldly gain that we want;

To be sincere, and work hard trying to be one, despite knowing that it's the most difficult thing of all.

And perhaps only then we'd be able to get our hearts back; 

to love Him unconditionally, and have our beautiful ending, which is to gain Allah's Redha.

Let's pray together for just that shall we?

InsyaAllah wa Aamiin.

Dari Abu Hurairah –radhiyallahu ‘anhu-, ia berkata bahwa Nabi s.a.w bersabda, 

“Allah Ta’ala berfirman: Aku sesuai persangkaan hamba-Ku. Aku bersamanya ketika ia mengingat-Ku.

 Jika ia mengingat-Ku saat bersendirian, Aku akan mengingatnya dalam diri-Ku. 

Jika ia mengingat-Ku di suatu kumpulan, Aku akan mengingatnya di kumpulan yang lebih baik daripada pada itu . 

Jika ia mendekat kepada-Ku sejengkal, Aku mendekat kepadanya sehasta. 

Jika ia mendekat kepada-Ku sehasta, Aku mendekat kepadanya sedepa. 

Jika ia datang kepada-Ku dengan berjalan (biasa), maka Aku mendatanginya dengan berjalan cepat.” 

[Hadith Bukhari dan Muslim]